Once upon a time there was a whale. He was a big stupid whale who didn't have any friends, cause he was kind of a douchebag. Anyway, this idiot whale decided that he wanted friends, cause he was tired of being the only whale at his birthday party. And this moronic little whale didn't know what else to do, so he decided to bully the smaller fish into being his friends.
"Hey. Be my friend or I'll punch you in the mouth," he said to the stingray.
"Go 'F' yourself," the stingray replied. The stingray was a bit of a douche as well.
"What up, buddy? Be my friend?" he inquired of the mighty eel.
"Gag me, tool." Apparently the eel wasn't very nice either.
"You're gonna be my friend or I'll tell all the other octopuses you're a flaming homosexual," he threatened to the octopus. But the octopus didn't say anything at all, because octopuses can't talk, dumbass.
Distraught, the whale returned home to his family where he was informed that he was adopted anyway. "What a rough day I'm having," the stupid whale thought out loud. "I guess maybe I'm not cut out for friends."
"Shut your filthy trap and take out the trash," his little whale brother said. "Besides, you have no right to whine. You only asked three animals."
So the sad, stupid whale took out the trash, moaning and griping the whole way. "Nobody loves me. I'm adopted. This sucks. One day, I'm gonna show- OW!"
---------------------------------------
The deep sea fisher fired another harpoon at the mammoth whale. They had got him! Soon, they'd be pulling into port and have enough whale blubber to make a plethora of candles.
"We shall live like kings! Hurrah!" They all shouted with glee. "We shall live like kings!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
so this one is just great. Sometimes I feel like my day is going just like the douchbag whales day lol. and ya no I actually do make friends by telling them "Hey. Be my friend or I'll punch you in the mouth" It works for me but obviously not for the whale. :) Luv it
I personally think my life is portrayed by the octopuses the most in this story.
I just feel for him, y'know? I know what it's like to be in his shoes.
-Sir Michael
Post a Comment